


A mess.

by maybe_im_tired



Series: Instagram Au rewritten [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Feels, High School AU, Human AU, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Pining, Remus angst, Remus has scars, both of them are idiots okay?, cursing, hints about poly, it gets better with more chapters i promise, it's not official yet but i will talk about it more in other parts of the series, logicality x Roman, me projecting unto remus, not in detail but it's there, oh and at some point they share a bed, they are just mentioned no details, this is is till mainly dukexiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:15:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27267049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybe_im_tired/pseuds/maybe_im_tired
Summary: It started with a fight, of course, it did.In all fairness, Remus wasn't planning on fighting anyone that day, but if the opportunity presented itself to him, he wasn't going to say no.He wasn't going to say no to helping the cute and mysterious emo, either.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Platonic Analogical, Platonic Creativitwins
Series: Instagram Au rewritten [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1990933
Comments: 5
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

It started with a fight because of course, it did.  
In all fairness, Remus wasn't planning on fighting anyone that day, but if the opportunity presented itself to him, he wasn't going to say no.

 _He wasn't going to say no to helping the cute and mysterious emo, either._

So, of course, without thinking much Remus launched himself at Eric causing both of them to fall down the stairs. That's how he ended up at the nurses' office with an ice pack pressed to his ankle, laughing like crazy with the same cute and mysterious emo.  
_It was definitely worth it_. 

~  
Virgil has become a constant in Remus's life pretty quickly. It started with him visiting Remus almost every day when he wasn't allowed to walk or go out yet. He would bring him snacks and they would binge watch horror movies together. Later, when Remus learned that Virgil plays the guitar, he asked him if he could teach his younger brother Dee to play and Virgil agreed quickly. 

And If you saw Remus' face the first time he heard Virgil sing, you would never have trouble defining the word " gay panic " ever again.

Once Remus was able and allowed to leave the house again, they started hanging out almost nonstop, and saying Remus was over the moon would be a huge understatement. He felt so happy whenever he was with Virgil that the first time Roman, his twin brother, flirted with him Remus couldn't help but snap at him. 

_He had finally found someone who actually didn't outright hate him and he would be damned if he allowed Roman to steal him away._

So, it was safe to say that Remus was falling hard for the cute and not-so- mysterious-anymore emo.

~  
So, of course, being the mess he was he had to ruin everything. 

It happened one weekend, while he was at Virgil's house during what he called "a gay sleepover".

That didn't surprise him, his nightmares didn't seem to care when or where they wanted to fuck him over. He woke up in cold sweat with a muffled scream, and it took him a few minutes to remember where he was and why he was there. He took a deep breath and tried to ignore the images still burning through his mind from what was left of the nightmare. They were on the floor on Virgil's balcony, surrounded by a great number of pillows and blankets to protect them from the cool summer breeze. That was his fault, _, of course, like almost everything else_ , after he decided to throw a bucket full of cold water in Virgil's room, to mess with Virgil's cousin and his boyfriend. 

He took another deep breath pressing his knuckles against his eyes, he wasn't alone, there were four other guys asleep around him, this definitely wasn't the right place to have an episode. 

He told them that they could sleep on the balcony as a joke, but Virgil thought it was actually a good idea, so that's what they ended up doing.  
He looked at Virgil, who was sleeping two feet away from him, his face dimly lit by the street light was relaxed and a small smile playing on his lips. The thoughts in his mind calmed down a bit as he wondered what could he be dreaming about. He wondered if Virgil ever dreamed about him like he did, or if he ever thought about kissing him- 

_Are you insane? Why would anyone want to kiss you? You're a psychopath and no one will ever love you. Do you know why is that? That's because crazy people like you don't deserve love, Remus._

His breath hitched again and he looked away, the street light seemed so far away and he felt dizzy. Deep breath in, deep breath out, you're fine, Remus. Deep breath in, deep breath out, everything is okay.

Except he didn't feel okay, he felt like he was suffocating and he had to get some air. He got up as quickly as he could without disrupting the others' sleep and climbed the roof.  
Once he was up and away from the others he allowed himself to break. He cried until there weren't any tears left in him, he wiped the tears with the collar of his shirt and looked up at the sky, trying to count the stars one by one to distract himself from the worst of the thoughts.

He sat there for almost an hour before his phone buzzed, a text from Virgil asking him where he went.

To say that Virgil sounded alarmed when Remus told him he was on the roof would be an understatement. Remus made sure to wipe his face again in case there were some tears or snot he missed, he prayed that light wasn't good enough for Virgil to see how red his eyes must be. It worked, or maybe Virgil noticed and just didn't comment on it. Either way, he was thankful.

~  
"Hey, " Virgil said softly sitting down next to him. "I woke up and noticed you weren't there, for a second I got really worried. "

Remus chuckled bitterly and shook his head.  
"What's so funny, Rem?"

"It seems like that's the only thing I'm good at, making people worried." He looked at his hands, they were covered with bruises or scratches so often that it seemed to freak the others out when they weren't. "I'm just a burden no matter how hard I try, everyone around me is sick of me, and I don't blame them, I would want to get rid of me, too."

"That's not true, Remus. " He flinched when Virgil covered his hands with his, he squeezed them gently, reassuringly. " And I'm willing to fight anyone who tells you otherwise."

They sat like that for a moment in silence, until Virgil spoke, "it's been a while since I climbed up here." He smiled, " I used to do it when I got really anxious but one time my father found me in the middle of the day and freaked out about it, so I stopped doing it."

He turned to Remus, "I guess I have to thank you for reminding me how calming and beautiful it is when you are here."

Remus smiled a little, it was weak but it was there. Another minute of silence passed and Virgil squeezed his hands again, it was comforting and he wondered why Virgil didn't let go of them yet. " I mean it, Remus, you're not a burden. "

"You're my friend, of course, you would say that. You can't hide the fact that I'm a failure, " his voice was strained and he cursed himself for being weak, "I stress everyone around me, my brother thinks he has to babysit me all the time, my parents don't expect me to amount to anything-"

"That's what family do, Remus. They get worried and sometimes make you feel like shit. But that doesn't mean that it's the only thing they see in you."

"What do you see in me?"

"I see an amazing friend-" Virgil started, but Remus interrupted him.

"Cut the crap, V. " He pulled his hands away from Virgil's to wipe the tears from his face.  
_Stop fucking crying, you idiot._

"It's not crap, not at all. You really are an amazing person, you helped me when you didn't have to, you're hilarious and you're pretty fucking creative. I don't care what the others think, they clearly don't know you at all."

Remus shook his head, he didn't deserve to be near Virgil, he was way too good for him, and one day he will realize that and leave him alone.  
"You don't have to do this, Virge. It must be uncomfortable for you to see me like that, you should go back to sleep. I will be okay. "

"Are you kidding me? " Virgil locked eyes with him, and Remus almost melted, he looked so shocked, confused, and extremely hot at the same time. " You could never make me uncomfortable, you dork. I'm here to stay."

He grinned widely at that, it didn't matter to Virgil whether his mood was up or down, he liked to be around him and wasn't leaving any time soon, why would he lie?

"Thank you. "

Most of his negative feelings seemed to melt away, they were replaced with that amazing warm feeling again, and he was overcome by the desire to kiss Virgil senseless.

He watched Virgil as he looked away and up at the stars with a soft smile, what would happen if he went for it and kissed him?

Would he still stay?  
_Probably not. But, what- what if he did?_  
So, against his better judgment, Remus turned and kissed him.

Virgil gasped and pulled away almost immediately, and Remus resisted the urge to throw himself off the roof when he saw the look on his face.  
_You fucked up, Remus. No one will ever love you_.

Virgil chuckled and scratched the back of his neck nervously. "When I told you there's nothing you can do to make me uncomfortable, I didn't mean it as a challenge. "

And that just fucking killed him. He always thought Roman was exaggerating, but it looked like he was right for once, a broken heart did hurt worse than broken bones. Hell, he would take crushed and burnt bones any time over what he was feeling right now.  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil's brain didn't work well under pressure, like not at all. It wasn't something he was proud of and unfortunately wasn't something he could change easily. It was as if his brain would immediately turn off once something unexpected happened, leaving him to figure it out on his own.

Virgil's brain didn't work well under pressure, like not at all. It wasn't something he was proud of and unfortunately wasn't something he could change easily. It was as if his brain would immediately turn off once something unexpected happened, leaving him to figure it out on his own.

_"When I told you there's nothing you can do to make me uncomfortable, I didn't mean it as a challenge. "_

He buried his face under the couch pillows and groaned loudly.

 _He wanted to slap himself as soon as the words came out of his mouth, and the look of hurt that flashed on Remus' face so quickly only made him feel worse._

"This is the tenth time you groaned in the past… four minutes, do you want to talk about it, or are you just going to keep groaning until your problems magically fade away?"

He was emotionally exhausted and frankly not ready to have that conversation, so he decided to ignore Logan, maybe he will get bored and leave him alone in his misery.

_But then Remus laughed, he nudged him playfully with his elbow, and the tension seemed to fade away. "Yeah, well, you should see your face though."_

_It was just a joke, a very weird joke, but a Remus joke nonetheless._

_But if it was a joke, then why didn't Remus stay until the morning? Why did he wait until Virgil went to the kitchen to get them water and left?_

His thoughts started eating at him and he knew he would start spiraling into darkness if he didn't let them out any time soon. He raised his head to look at Logan who was playing with Dexter, a stray cat Virgil brought home after it started following him everywhere he went, "Hey, Logan?" 

"Yes, Virgil?"

"What would you do if you kissed someone and they laughed in your face?"

Logan stared at him, his brows furrowed as a clear sign of confusion, "Like a shy giggle, or straight up laugh, like at a joke?"

"Uh, like if they immediately pulled away from the kiss and just laughed- a nervous reaction?" 

"I don't think my first thought would be that they are nervous, I would assume they are an asshole and it would break my heart, especially if I was really attracted to them. But I guess why would you kiss someone you're not attracted to-?"

"Okay, I get it." He bit his bottom lip and rubbed his eyes. Did he break Remus' heart? No, he seemed okay when they talked after that, he even joked about it for heaven's sake!

"Okay, but what if they were confused and thought it was some kind of a joke?"

"Then they must have a terrible sense of humor." He watched Virgil carefully while scratching behind the cat's ears. "What happened exactly?"

Virgil groaned again and went back to burying his face under the pillows. 

"You know I can't help you if you keep acting like some kind of a couch ostrich. "

_If Remus really liked Virgil and Virgil broke his heart then he probably hates him right now. He needed to find a way to fix this. Even if he didn't have the brain energy to do it right now._

He sat back up and faced Logan, "Remus kissed me last night and I got startled and- I, uh, laughed in his face."

"What- did you actually?" he pinched the bridge of his nose. " Wait, which one is Remus again? Is he the one who threw water at Patton and I while we were sleeping?"

Virgil nodded, "Yes, that’s him." 

"When did that happen?"

"Around 3 am, we were talking on the roof, while you all were sleeping and suddenly he leaned in and kissed me-"

Logan blinked at him, "And you pushed him away and laughed in his face, " he paused looking down, possibly searching for something to hit Virgil with, finding nothing he looked back up at him. "What the fuck, Virgil?"

"Well, I didn't exactly _push him_ , I just panicked-"

"He should've asked for consent before kissing you, yes, but still that's fucking cruel. He probably thought it was romantic and- you just fucking laughed."

He threw his hands in the air, "Okay, but he laughed at my reaction, like really laughed. 'hahaha, Virgil. You should see your face', " He frowned, "that's just confusing, Lo."

"Would you prefer it if he looked sad? Or worse, heart-broken? Hell, I would have pretended it was a joke, too. I can't even imagine how bad it must feel, couldn't you reject him, I don't know, less harshly?"

"I didn't even mean it as a rejection for fucks sake, I told you I was-"

"Yes, you were confused, surprised, startled," Logan repeated in a monotone voice. " Okay, since you didn't mean it as a rejection, does that mean you like him? If he used a different approach would you have kissed him back?"

Running his fingers through his hair, he thought about it. _Would he have kissed him back?_

He liked Remus a lot, and he found him really attractive. Remus was hot, after all. It was clear to anyone who had eyes. However, knowing from the beginning he would never have a chance with him, he never allowed himself to think about him in that way. Whenever he caught himself staring at him, wondering, he would shake these thoughts off. Whenever Remus's lips got a little too distracting, he would curse himself and blame it on that stupidly cool and annoying moustache. He _totally_ didn't pay much attention to how every time he was with him all his worries seemed to leave him. Or how his heart would beat ten times faster whenever Remus laughed.

"Uh- I think-" He started but didn't know how to finish the sentence, finally accepting the truth as it was.

He has been pining for Remus this whole time, and once he got a chance to actually kiss him, and be with him he had to panic and ruin it.  
_Stupid, anxious brain._

"Fuck. " He groaned, pulling at his hair.

"Virgil, breathe. Calm down, it's going to be okay. "

He flinched noticing for the first time that Logan has come and sat next to him. He put a hand on his shoulder to ground him. "It's okay, Virgil. We will figure it out. "


	3. Chapter 3

Virgil wanted to make up with Remus, he really did. He planned it out perfectly, analyzed every possible reaction down to the letter. He couldn't afford freaking out again. He had to do that right, after messing up so badly, he had to fix something.  
Doing that, _however_ , proved to be very challenging.

Especially considering the fact that Remus was now out on a date with someone else.

It really messed up with his brain, if Remus was so quick to move on then sure as hell that kiss didn't mean shit to him. He didn't even have time to be ‘heartbroken’ as Logan said by Virgil's reaction.

"A date, huh?" Was all he managed to choke out, stopping in his tracks and feeling a cold chill run down his spine.

"Yup." Roman said popping the 'p' sound. 

"The guy was pretty hot, too. " He grinned, " I haven't seen Remus look this excited to go on a date with someone before, you should have seen him. He even styled that unholy mess he calls hair. "

"That- that couldn't be right-" he muttered to himself subconsciously running a hand through his hair, he thought of Remus and his adorably messy curls.

"Why is that?"

"Nothing, never mind." He sighed and turned around, well, it looks like he missed his chance. He had it coming, though, so he shouldn't complain.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"I don't know, somewhere!" he waved his hands around carelessly as he walked away.

"Come on, Virge. You should stay, Remus has been out for a while now, he is probably already on his way back. You can talk to him about how his date went~" He teased, knowing exactly what he was doing. "do you really hate hanging out with me _that_ much?"

"Maybe. "

Roman let out an offended sound, caught off guard and Virgil resisted the urge to turn around and see the look on his face, instead he just left feeling more frustrated and confused than ever.  
~  
Surprisingly, his friendship with Remus wasn't affected at all. Remus still texted him at ungodly hours of the night with random thoughts; they still hung out like they used to before the whole mess (and Remus seemed to try and change the topic whenever Virgil tried to talk about the kiss or the person he was dating, which didn't help Virgil's confidence at all); and they definitely still had movie nights together, it was as if nothing happened between them. 

That's how they both ended up covered in flour and cookie batter after an attempt from Patton to teach them how to make 'the perfect cookies'. They didn't learn anything useful about making cookies, of course. If anything, Virgil learned that Remus wouldn't hesitate to pour half a bag of flour down Virgil's shirt if he had the chance.

It took them a while to clean up, and much to Virgil's dismay, Remus decided their shirts needed to be washed properly. At first, Virgil was just confused as to why Remus would insist on cleaning their shirts when he's seen him on multiple occasions roll around in dirt without a care in the world, but once Virgil changed into one of Patton's shirts and walked out into the living room just to see Remus messing around, being all loud and adorably obnoxious while also being _shirtless_ he realized that this was going to be a horrifyingly long movie night.

"Remus, why are you shirtless?" He asked rubbing the side of his head in a soothing manner as if that would help his situation.

"Come on, you know that the little ray of sunshine's clothes would never fit me." He smiled at him an all-knowing smile as Virgil was pointedly looking away from his bare chest and at his face, Virgil's annoyed look not managing to hide the blush well enough. "I would just look ridiculous. "

Virgil huffed, mumbling curses to himself as he went over to the couch, he covered himself with as many blankets as he could find not caring if the others wanted them, trying to maintain a safe distance or maybe even a nice barrier between him and Remus's annoyingly hot and nice looking chest.

_Ugh, when the fuck was this going to end?_

Thankfully, Remus seemed to take the hint as he settled on the other end of the couch without another word. They didn't notice the others as they exchanged a worried look before Patton sighed and sat down next to Virgil with a soft smile.

"You alright, kiddo?" 

"M' fine, " He mumbled into the blanket covering half of his face. _Well, at least he didn't have to worry anymore about that stupid blush._ "Jus' cold."

No one said anything after that, no one pointed out that it was summer and there was no need for so many blankets, weirdly enough, not even Remus who was technically half-naked and the most likely one who would feel that nonexistent cold. They played the movies and just let Virgil be for the rest of the night.  
-

So, of course, he had to be the one to mess up. _Again._

Virgil sat on the windowsill swinging his feet softly and stared down at the group of boys who were sprawled on the makeshift mattresses snoring softly. He shook his head as Patton turned in his sleep still holding Logan's hand and shifted closer to Roman.  
He was a little confused when Patton refused to sleep on his bed while the others slept on the floor, he thought it was very sweet and stupid of him, but as he watched him bury his face in the crook of Roman's neck with a soft sigh, and watched Roman hold him tight, he realized that there may have been a completely a different and not so stupid reason of him for doing so.

_If only he could be so smart…_

He shook his head again, and turned to Remus, who was back to wearing his shirt again after it dried, _thank god._

"Did you notice that they were acting extra weird today?" He asked pointing to Roman and Patton. 

Remus tossed and turned trying to get comfortable and clearly failing to do so, he sat up with a scowl. "No, they seemed normal to me."

"You okay?" Virgil asked, feeling his stomach drop at Remus's scowl and clearly upset tone. _He didn't do anything wrong this time, right? They didn't even talk much, he couldn't have messed up while being silent, could he?_

"Can't sleep, " Remus huffed as he got up from the makeshift mattress and threw himself on Patton's bed. "Probably all the sugar. Do you know that eating chocolate before bed can give you really bad nightmares? It's going to be one hell of a night."

Virgil sighed in relief, _good, it wasn't him._ He watched Remus as he buried himself under the covers, shifted, and rolled around until he was feeling comfortable. He smiled fondly as Remus let out a low hum of satisfaction, finally settling in a comfortable position. "I have no idea how they could sleep on the floor like that."

"Well, they are cuddling so it can't be that bad." Virgil snickered as Logan cuddled closer to Patton, holding onto his waist. He turned back to Remus and caught him staring at him, watching him carefully. He felt his face turn red at the intensity of the stare but didn't say anything. 

Suddenly Remus seemed to break out of his thoughts, he cleared his throat awkwardly, "You know, you can sleep on the bed if you want-"

Virgil's eyes widened at the thought and he shook his head violently, his face turning a deeper shade of red as if that was even possible. _It was stupid, he knew, it’s not like he didn’t lay with Remus in his bed before, so why would sleeping be anything different?_

"It's a big bed, so you don't have to worry about accidentally touching someone as disgusting as me, Virge."  
 _Disgusting? Where did that come from?_

"I don't think you're disgusting, Remus." _And I definitely wouldn’t mind touching you-_

Remus laughed bitterly, "Sure, you don't. It's okay, Virgil, really it is. My entire body is covered with scars, I would be surprised if you weren't disgusted by them." 

"Remus, I'm not disgusted by them. Not at all, why would I be?" 

"Well, they clearly made you uncomfortable earlier. How else would you explain all these blankets you buried yourself under and the way you kept avoiding me until I put my shirt back on?"  
Virgil stared at him in silence, because what could he say to him?  
 _Well, you see, Remus. It’s because I’m very gay-_

Sitting on the edge of the bed across from Remus, he found Remus's hands and held them gently in his.  
 _Of course, Remus would think by your reaction that you were disgusted by him, you fucked up all over again and you better fix it this time._

"Remus, I-" He closed his mouth again, trying to come up with an explanation that wouldn't make him look like a hopeless gay. "I'm so sorry, I made you feel this way. Remus, I don't find anything about you disgusting, even when you're really trying to be. " 

He smiled and softly squeezed Remus's hands, trying to calm Remus and his nerves at the same time. "It's just something I do when I'm feeling overwhelmed, helps me ground myself then and there." _Okay, that wasn’t completely a lie. He really got overwhelmed._

Remus tilted his head slightly and blinked at him a few times, "So, I wasn't the reason you seemed to shut down on yourself all of a sudden?"

"Oh, my God. Of course not." _Not in the way you think-_

Remus nodded then smirked evilly at him, "So, are you going to take my offer and sleep on the bed here or on the floor?"

He moved a bit making room for Virgil even though he didn't really need to do so. "It's not that different from sleeping on the floor next to each other, except maybe more comfortable." 

Virgil knew he was stuck, if he insisted on sleeping on the floor Remus would think he still found him disgusting, but if he agreed to sleep on the bed next to him then-  
He sighed in exasperation and Remus smiled widely as Virgil lied down on the other side of the bed, leaving comfortable space between them.  
 _Well, it was really comfortable, he couldn't deny that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what y'all are thinking- _Virgil is an idiot_ And based on the fact that that's exactly how I act whenever something I didn't expect happens, I assure you that you're completely right about that.


	4. Chapter 4

It took a while for Remus to fall asleep, and can you really blame him for that?

 _Virgil was sleeping in the same bed next to him._ It wasn’t so hard to imagine this being his real life, and for an obvious reason that made him very, very happy. 

He had turned his back to Virgil from the beginning and provided him with the space to feel comfortable, and surprisingly it didn’t take Virgil long to doze off and start snoring softly on his side.  
Closing his eyes, he tried to calm his beating heart and the crazy thoughts buzzing around in his head.

 **No, you cannot hug him just like that.**  
_But he’s so cute and I really want to!_  
**You saw what happened when you kissed him. Do you want him to freak out this time? He would never trust you ever again. Do you need to get rejected more than once to understand that he doesn’t like you that way?**

And that shut him down for a moment. He hadn’t really expected Virgil to accept his offer. If anything, he was expecting him to push Remus away and laugh at him again. To tell him he was crazy and disgusting, maybe even join the cuddle pile on the floor and leave Remus dejected on his own.  
Except Virgil didn't push him away, _he held his hands!!!_ and told him that he wasn't disgusting and actually joined him on the bed, and that should be enough for him. Even if a huge part of him wanted a little more, he should respect Virgil, or else he will end up pushing him away, as he did with others.

If he was being honest he didn’t want to fall asleep yet, because he knew that once he did, all of this would be over and he would be left on his own to face his nightmares. He wished he could tape his eyelids and keep them open like some sort of cartoon but after the long day, he was really tired and eventually fell asleep.

~  
Remus was surprised when he opened his eyes and saw that it was morning already. It was 7:18, according to Patton’s clock, which meant that for once he had actually gotten a full night sleep. With no nightmares or anything? 

However, he was even more surprised when he realized that there was a pair of arms wrapped tight around his waist and a face buried in the back of his neck. He shuddered, feeling the warm breath against his neck.

_No fucking way, this wasn’t happening._

Unless something happened while he was sleeping, and Virgil switched with someone else then _Virgil was now cuddling and actually holding onto him._

No, maybe during the night one of the others didn’t feel comfortable on the floor and decided to squeeze themselves between Remus and Virgil?  
Maybe Virgil fell off the bed while asleep and someone took his place, because **no way in Hell this was actually be happening.**

He made a mental note to smack Roman on the head if it turned out to be him, also push him on the floor and maybe kick him- 

He started shifting slowly as to not disturb whoever this was, _he wasn’t going to risk waking Virgil up yet if it was him._ The other person shifted slightly, removing one arm to their side and loosening their grip on him, but they remained asleep. His breath caught in his throat once he turned around. _Oh. My. God._

Virgil had one arm wrapped around him holding Remus to his side, his other arm was now on his stomach rising and falling slowly with each breath. _How-? Is this real? Was this intentional or just an accident?_

He couldn't think, not with Virgil this close to him, he wouldn't be able to think even if they weren't cuddling. His mind kept screaming at him to kiss him to hold him, **just to do anything else than stare!** He just watched the other boy's face, he never got to see him relaxed like this, well at least not this close. It was as if there was always something else in the back of his mind preventing him from enjoying the moment fully.  
But here, and now he was completely relaxed.

A soft smile was on his face and his hair was a mess covering his eyes. Remus pushed all the voices screaming at him to the back of his mind for a moment and reached out to brush away the hairs from Virgil's eyes. He wished that he could stop time. As cliché as it sounded, he wanted to stay like that forever. That, or for the world to end then and there because he knew he would never have something like this or better ever again.

Virgil stirred softly, and he froze expecting it all to end very soon, instead of waking up, Virgil just snuggled even closer to him than before, he wrapped both his arms around Remus and with a soft sigh buried his face into his chest. 

Remus was sure that he was going to melt then and there.

If he had to sell his soul to the devil in order to wake up like this every morning he wouldn’t hesitate. 

**He is asleep now, and if he wakes up to you cuddling him he is going to freak out. It’s all hopeless.**

****_Technically, I didn’t do anything. He is the one who cuddled me._ ** **

****

****

He ran his fingers through Virgil’s hair once more and allowed himself for a moment to pretend that this was his everyday life. 

He stayed like that until Virgil started waking up, not knowing how he might react and not wanting to face rejection and ruin a beautiful moment like this, he did the next best thing and pretended to be asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Virgil woke up in the worst position ever.

Well, it wasn't exactly _bad_ , it was actually amazing and very warm and very _very_ soft, it was what he wanted and was too scared and stupid to let himself have.

**But NO. It was awful, very bad, so horrible, not good at all for his poor gay heart!**

He sucked in a deep breath as his sleepy vision cleared and he found himself clinging to Remus as if he was his lifeline, holding him so tight he wondered how Remus was able to breathe. 

He froze for a moment, not wanting to let go – because he knew as soon as he did that, he will lose that amazing warm feeling in his heart and will never get a second chance to hold his best friend, to feel his chest rising and falling with every breath he took, like that –, he thought about burying his head back where it was just a few seconds ago.

“Remus?” He whispered a very low and almost inaudible whisper, not knowing why exactly.

_What would he even say or do if Remus answered?_

But Remus didn't move, his breathing remained steady and his eyes shut.

“First walking around being all hot and shirtless, and now being all sleepy and cute. You’re killing me, Remus. Do you know that?”

Remus’s mind was screaming because _Virgil just called him hot and cute and he wanted nothing more than tell him how sexy his butt was-_

Virgil slowly loosened his hold on him but did not let go completely.

“I don’t think I want you to know, though.” He said softly, “For one, I’m sure you will enjoy making me suffer even more, and maybe I deserve that.”

He caressed Remus's cheeks softly before his fingers traced his lips. Those same lips that he wanted so badly to kiss. Those same lips he actually had a chance to kiss back but was too dumb to do it.

His eyes widened as he realized what he was doing and untangled himself quickly, _because what the fuck, Virgil?_

“ _Oh shit shit oh fuck_ -” Virgil whispered to himself as he sat up and looked around the room.

Remus flinched at the sudden movement but didn't open his eyes. He was barely keeping it together at this point, and he was well aware of how uncharacteristically careful he was being, but, at the same time, he also knew that Virgil was going to lose it if he knew he was awake and didn’t want to scare him off like last time. 

_He just couldn’t afford to push him away any further._

Still, he was surprised at himself for staying still for so long, because there was nothing more he wanted to do than kiss the sexy emo who made him feel all kinds of happy and tingly. Just tackle the fuck out of him and kiss his stupidly hot face until Remus passed out from the lack of air-

Virgil took a deep breath and tried to relax as he scanned the room, the others were still fast asleep, a tangled mess of limbs on the floor that was sure to turn Roman, who was somehow now in the middle being cuddled by the other two, a blushy mess once he woke up.

He looked at the alarm clock that was on Remus's side and noticed that it was 8 am.

_Virgil you fucking idiot what did you do? Did you really cuddle with Remus all night?_

A small smile flashed quickly at the thought but he didn't let it linger, shaking his head. 

_You're going to get hurt, you idiot._

“That's not fair.” He mumbled to himself, and Remus echoed that thought in his mind, _because it was so unfair that he couldn’t just kiss that frown of Virgil’s face._  
=

Sighing in frustration, he got up and went to the bathroom to wash his face, completely unaware of Remus, who was watching his back as he left the room. 

Deciding that the best thing he could do is leave now, go home and take a shower, maybe then he would feel better and forget what happened, he came back to the room, planning to get his phone and hoodie and leave.

“Good morning, “ He let out a surprised squeak as he turned around and saw Remus smiling at him, his hair an adorable mess that Virgil definitely _did not regret_ not running his fingers through when he had a chance. 

“Morning,” Virgil nodded, trying to act normal, as if he didn't want to go kiss him, maybe even crawl back next to him and let his worries go, as if his face wasn’t burning.

He walked over to Patton's desk, careful not to step on anyone.

Well aware of how Remus's eyes never left him as he got his phone and wore his hoodie.

Just as he was about to leave Remus spoke, “Virgil-”

He froze in his place. “What?”

“Where are you going?” Remus asked, running a hand through his hair, his voice low and deep from sleeping.

Virgil took a deep breath and turned around, “I woke up hungry so I decided to get something to eat.”

Remus watched him and quirked his eyebrows, a wide stupid grin on his face. “Wanna go eat some pancakes from this place down the street?” 

No, he didn't. Virgil wanted to go home and overthink everything in his life until it started making sense.

He scratched the back of his neck nervously, Remus probably didn't know what happened last night, right? He acted like everything was normal, so if Virgil refused it would only make him suspicious, or worse, it would make him feel like he did something. 

“Sure.” Virgil shrugged, because how bad can it be? “come on, let's go before these idiots wake up and decide to tag along.”  
~

“So, where did you end up sleeping last night?” Remus asked, his tone neutral.  
He pretended not to notice Virgil tensing up at the question. 

“Uh, on the floor, to Logan's left.” He straightened his back, and grimaced “you were right, it's not really that comfortable, my back hurts a bit.” 

Remus nodded, “Too bad you had to sleep there, the bed was very comfortable last night. It was probably the best sleep I have had in a long time.”

“ That’s- uh- that’s really good to hear, Remus.” 

He avoided making eye contact and focused on his food instead. 

Remus just watched him, having inhaled his food as soon as it arrived, and Virgil cursed himself, he should have been more careful about not waking Remus up, maybe then he wouldn't be here, feeling as awkward as he did. 

_Well, at least he only woke Remus up, he couldn't imagine being surrounded by the others right now. Logan would definitely analyze his every move and comment on it later._

“You know, come to think of it,” Remus continued, “I had this really beautiful and weird dream. “ 

He closed his eyes as if he was imagining it in his mind. Virgil looked up at him, he made a disgusted face and groaned at Remus's amused expression.

“You're supposed to keep these kinds of dreams to yourself, Remus.” 

“Oh, no no no!” His smile widened, “Don't worry it wasn't anything graphic, unfortunately. Still, It was very weird though and it felt so real. I don't know if it's just Patton's bed or what but I felt like someone was sleeping next to me-”

Virgil choked on his food, and Remus watched him with glinting eyes, clearly amused by this near-death experience.

“That seems like a nightmare to me.” He said once he calmed down, “I would freak out, think it’s some sleep paralysis shit.” 

Remus shook his head and cackled, in all honesty, he wanted to scream, laugh, and cry at the same time, unsure what to do with Virgil's attempts to deny the whole thing.

He wasn't going to let him off the hook easily, though. Not after Virgil basically confessed to him.

He didn't have a doubt in his mind now that Virgil could like him back, and he had to do something about it that wouldn’t freak the guy out. 

“Nah, I would pay anything to have a dream like it, again.”

Virgil looked at him, eyebrows raised and a cute blush dusting his cheeks. “You would?”

“Hell yeah, I would.”

He Virgil shook his head, his mouth twitching in a not a very small smile, “You’re a maniac.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the end of their story, I will be posting the follow-up events to this soon as another part of the series, so it can be read as a part of the series, and as a one-shot on its own.


End file.
